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Monday, December 31, 2012


I thought working out was supposed to help with depression, outlook, overall mood but that doesn't feel like the case for me.  I'm around 7 weeks into working out (the most workout I've ever done in my life) and I feel kind of miserable.  I do it almost every day now and feel pretty lousy when I miss a day.  My body itself is starting to feel good; my leg and butt muscles are in a constant state of burn, sort of like you feel after you've been working out for about 5 minutes.  It's actually a good feeling!  I'm not always as tired as I used to be.  I'm losing an inch here, gaining half an inch weight loss but that stuff isn't really getting me down too much. 
But I never want to leave the house anymore.  I was happy to get out for Christmas, but otherwise I don't want to go anywhere or do anything.  It's all I can do to get a shower by 3pm every day.  When asked what I wanted to do for New Year's Eve I mumbled, "I don't know".  I like celebrating and getting out of the house!  So what's wrong with me? 
Lately I've been thinking about the fact that I'm almost 31 and I've never been further south than Florida, further north than New York, Further west than Illinois.  I want to go somewhere spectacular.  But I can hardly leave my house, so I don't know how that would work.  I'd probably talk myself out of it anyway.  I think about how I never got to finish college.  Not that I even know what I want to be when I grow up.  But that clock that stopped and told me to enjoy 30 (I was seriously super excited to turn 30) seems to be tick, tick, ticking away, faster than ever.  Not that I'm dreading 31, I guess I'm just more aware of aging?  I don't feel old, so that's not what's dragging me down. 

I just don't want to feel like this anymore.  Needed to vent.  Haven't talked about this to anyone so I had to get it out somewhere.  This seems as good a place as any. 
What do you do when you feel like crap and the things that should help aren't? 

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